熱心網友
馬丁.路德.金的
熱心網友
[幽默]一只死于壓力的龍蝦 2003年8月6日14:51 作者: 億笑 金羊網 A giant lobster, saved from the cooking pot by a fishmonger, has died of stress after being exhibited at an aquarium?！ ucky, estimated to be aged around 40, was caught off the Gower Peninsula coastline by a fisherman earlier this week。 He was put in the Silent Night Aquarium, in Tenby, instead of the cooking pot but was discovered dead in his new tank。 Crowds had gathered at Swansea Market, in south Wales, when Lucky the lobster, who was two feet long and weighed in at 7lbs, appeared on a fish stall?！ ut fishmonger Christopher Thomas, 20, was so taken with the colossal crustacean he refused to sell and had it transferred to an aquarium instead。 Aquarium assistant Mike Batt said: "I could see he was dead the moment he arrived because the water was murky。 "To be honest I did not hold out much hope it would survive because it appeared to be ill when it arrived。 "We pumped in oxygen to the area around its gills but I think the stress of the last few days was simply too much and it died。" 一只年齡大約在40歲左右的大龍蝦在英國高爾半島海岸被一名漁夫捕獲，幸運的是，它的新主人并沒有把它直接放進蒸煮罐里享受美味，而是把它放在一個水桶里，并在幾天后送往水族館?？墒?，不幸的是，當這只兩英尺長、7磅重的巨型龍蝦剛剛被送到水族館后，它就死了?！袄蠈嵳f，我對它能活下去不抱任何希望，因為它看上去生病了。我們在它的腮部周圍區域用壓力泵為它輸氧，但我想，它在前兩天所受的壓力實在是太大了，它支持不住，所以死了。”龍蝦被捉后，許多人都前往魚市場觀看這只異物，可能正是因為沒見過這么多人，龍蝦一下子被嚇著了。賣掃帚的人和理發師 A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved。 The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it?！ ?Two pence,"said the man?！ ?No, no, "said the barber, "I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again。" The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave?！ ?A penny。"said the barber?！ ?I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again。" 賣掃帚的人和理發師 一個賣掃帚的人去一家理發店修面。理發師向他買了一把掃帚。當理發師給他修完面后,問了一下掃帚的價錢?！ ≠u掃帚的人說:"兩便士" "不,不"理發師說,"我只出一便士。如果你認為不夠的話,可以把掃帚拿回去。" 賣掃帚的人取回了掃帚,隨后問修面要付多少錢?！ ≠u掃帚的人說:"我只能給你半個便士,如果你認為不夠的話,你可以把胡子再替我裝上。"Second language A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush。 She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice?！ other mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life。 Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?" 一只母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見一只貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽?！ ∧咐鲜笙蛑埥械溃骸巴?，汪，汪”，貓聽了非常害怕，拼命跑走了?！ ∧咐鲜蠡剡^頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：“現在你知道外語的重要性了吧?！?反正我太太明天會來換的 My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow?！ gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves。 "Cloth of leather?" asked the salesperson?！ ?Makes no difference, "replied customer?！ ?What color?" asked the clerk。 "Any," he responded?！ ?Size?" "Give me whatever you prefer," the gentleman said, slightly exasperated。 "My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them。" 反正我太太明天會來換的?！ ?一位先生走進一家商店要買付手套?！ 澳且嫉倪€是皮的？”售貨員問?！ 皼]什么區別。”這位顧客回答?！ 澳悄裁搭伾哪兀俊笔圬泦T又問?！ 笆裁搭伾汲??！彼卮??！ 疤柎a呢？” “您就隨便給我拿一付吧，”這位顧客有點不耐煩了，“反正我太太明天都會來換的?！薄ood News and Bad News The soldiers had been marching and fighting, they were dirty, hot and tired。 One day, the general announced: "My men, I have some good news and some bad news for you。 Which one would you like first?" "The good news!" they all shouted?！ ?OK," said the General。 "The good news is that you will each be receiving a complete change of clothing。" "Hurrah!" chorused the soldiers。 "And now for the bad news。 Jack, you will change with John。 John, you will change with Tom。 Tom, you will change with Robert。 Robert 。。。。 好消息和壞消息 士兵們連續的行軍，作戰，他們又累又熱又臟。一天，將軍宣布： “士兵們，我有一些好消息和壞消息要告訴你們。你們愿意先聽哪個呢？” “好消息！”他們嚷道?！ 昂冒?，”將軍說，“好消息就是你們每個人都可以徹底的換一身衣服?！薄 盀趵 笔勘鴤兏吲d地大叫起來?！ 艾F在呢，該是壞消息了。杰克，你將和約翰換衣服，約翰，你和湯姆換，湯姆，你和羅伯特換，羅伯特……”最惡心的地毯 A Florida couple have been ordered to take up a carpet - from their front garden?！ teve and Mildred Nadwairski say they covered their lawn with carpet because they had had no luck with grass seed。 They could not afford to spend￡160 on turf so decided to put carpet on the lawn of their Port Richey Home。 Mr Nadwairski said he didn't think it was written anywhere that you couldn't have carpet on your front lawn。 But the couple fell foul of a byelaw forbidding the collection of "public nuisance items" such as junk cars and appliances。 A prosecutor argued that included old carpet and a court agreed。 Neighbours seemed pleased with the ruling。 One says the carpeting, which is wet all the time, looks "nasty。" 佛羅里達州波特里奇市一對夫婦在他們屋前的花園鋪上地毯，把草坪蓋住，因為他們覺得草籽會壞了他們的好運氣，同時，他們說付不起打理草坪所需的160英鎊。 當地法院命令這對夫婦把地毯移走。男主人為此爭辯道，沒有條文明令禁止在自家草坪上鋪地毯，而檢舉人稱，那張地毯太破舊了，就像破車等破爛玩意兒，給公眾造成了困擾，違反了“公共損害條例”。鄰居們對法院的判決都拍手稱慶，說那張地毯整天都濕漉漉的，看起來“惡心死了”?！ ? 。
熱心網友
oh.
熱心網友
好難
熱心網友
找篇中文幽默演講稿來翻譯，行不？
熱心網友
我的經驗還是什么都不拿比較好??！尤其是“幽默”的演講，最重要的就是“自然”！祝你好運！
熱心網友
我也NO英語啊。
熱心網友
有難度啊!
熱心網友
I don't know English.Sorry.